“Loss is an opportunity to be found.”

In Our Time

My wife and I have been a part of a ceremonial community for over 24 years.  Its roots run from our local area, around the country and the world.  More than anything, it is a relation empowered by prayer.  Over the last quarter century, we have encountered infinite experiences from extraordinary highs to excruciating lows; and everything in between and beyond.  The community is a circle of committed people who give their all to make a difference in their lives, those of their families and all their relatives.  It is one of the most difficult ways in the world to pray.  However, for many of us, it is the only way to live.

Silent in the Mourning

I have never been anxious or fearful of death, as I feel it is just a shift into another dimension of being.  A few days ago, one of our community member’s wives passed away.  She had participated in ceremony and supported him in his commitment to the community.  What brings it home to me in a personal way is that she was my age.  Her passing sent shockwaves through our extended community, as she was related with several of our members before becoming a part of our ceremonial circle.  In these moments, I have attempted to be present to all that is arising from her passing, not in grief yet with prayer.

Ceremonial Progression

One of the things I have observed while walking this path, it is never the same, regardless of the ceremony in which we participate.  Most often, they are not planned events.  They evolve, progress and manifest in their own way, with only rudimentary need of human influence.  That is the tradition we are guided to practice.  In lieu of the common convenience, comfort, control and desire of the one, it is centered on the needs of all.  The ceremonial experience is empowered by eventualities that may arise in any given moment.  In each one, there is a unique flow of experiential momentum, which calls for the necessity to be present.    

Shift in Prayer

From the moment I heard about her passing, my life shifted into service for this special prayer, not fully understanding how it would develop over the last week leading up to the ceremony.  There are specific rites that are done in this tradition, yet part of holding the space for prayer is allowing essential phenomenon to evolve as they transpire.  There are actions and prayers I make every day of my life to be related with the community, many that occur in their own way.  It is not a declaration of knowing, it is an expression of understanding the how, what, where, why and most notably when to be in flow with a call for prayer.

“Control is the destroyer of prayer.”

A Calling

After I heard about her passing, I spoke with my friend, offering condolences and support in whatever way I could.  My wife suggested I take my pipe with me to work in case he needed to pray.  I reached out to him on my way home.  As I came closer to his house, a massive storm front was looming from the southwest.  I walked in and embraced him.  We smudged his house, then moved outside and prepared the pipe to make a prayer.  Thunder began to roll across the sky.  I sung a traditional song and we smoked out the pipe.  I will carry this for the rest of my life.

A Life of Its Own

The morning of her passing, I received several calls from community members requesting a ceremony.  Many were shocked with the loss of their dear friend and relative.  As the week progressed, several things transpired within the community to clarify what would happen when we prayed together in the lodge.  Many of us sprang into action, helping to clean, organize and prepare his house to receive family and friends for the difficult days ahead.  People planned to bring extra food to the ceremony for him to take home and feel the support of the community.  The prayer has a life of its own, we need only be in its flow.

Family Time

By Friday, things had settled and I became present to the impact of her passing.  The numbing feeling of bereavement and mortality dulled my commonly keen senses. Making ties, praying with the pipe and preparing for the coming ceremony helped break the cycle of my shock and awe.  Speaking with several members of the community also helped shake the sadness that hung as heavy as the impending storm that Tuesday at my friend’s house.  On Saturday, I travelled to Grand Rapids to see my father, stepmother, brother and nephew.  Being with family shifted me into a space of cheerful and essential relativity.

Beyond Imagination

Sunday morning, I packed the car for the ceremony and visited with my wife before my brother would arrive and we would head to Ypsilanti.  Living the ceremonial experience as a couple in all the ways we do is truly an extraordinary and experiential encounter.  I feel blessed to share these commitments with her and fulfill our relationship in ways beyond our imaginations.  However, it is also extremely challenging, humbling and at times overwhelming to live the prayer.  Given the circumstances over the last week, I have grown to appreciate our ceremonial kinship in all the diverse dimensions of our personal and mutual experiences.

New Life

My brother and I arrived at the lodge space and visited with my grieving friend.  Soon we were building the fire and setting the altar.  A torrential rain came and threatened to flood the fire.  Four of us built a circular moat around it and bailed the water.  In a half hour, the sun broke.  Later, we gathered as a community around the fireplace, sung a traditional song and had a wipe down with smudge.  The ladies gathered and gave our mourning friend a blanket and the men gave him a star quilt for his son.  We all crawled into the lodge to offer our prayers as a community in support of our relative for his transition into a new life experience.

The Circle

Many of these ceremonial traditions occur in a circle, as no one person is more important than anyone else.  It is unnatural when a community is too dependent upon its leader(s), as ceremony becomes more about them and less about the people.  In my humble perspective, the term leadership is a social, hierarchical exploitation that can control, diminish and distort the space held for people to participate in the unique way they are called.  Community evolves and manifests as an empowerment of each soul on their personal path, unified in collective prayer.  It takes every person present in a ceremony to hold, live and fulfill the circle.

“Unity is the soul of community.”